All The World's A Teletalk Linkup

80H is enjoying the ministrations of his new massage machine, while 40D informs him that the Federation is sending him a culturecrat to ensure the cultural wellbeing of the subsection, and Gramps has been arrested for trying to vend oldworld clunk. He learns Brat helped wire up the massage mech too late to escape its explosion. This ruins his uniform trousers, forcing him to greet 2B2B from behind his desk. 2B2B is there because the Galactic Coordinator considers the sector to be something of a cultural desert. She gives 80H his culture pack - he must learn to k'nit - and he assigns her to JoY for the duration of her stay.

Gramps returns to Jo-Y to the relief of Luna and Andy; Brat just wants to know if they tortured him. He claims that he was indeed mentally tortured, but gave away nothing - even in the face of being told he was jolly naughty. Brat is not happy about a cronie coming to stay with them, but Gramps thinks she might be very nice. Andy and Luna are looking forward to learning things like flower arranging and folk dancing, but Brat is appalled by the low-techness. 80H then arrives to introduce 2B2B. He's frustrated at not being able to find Gramp's stash, but maniacally delighted to inflict 2B2B on the inefficient viron. 2B2B hands out culturepacks, but when she finds out Andy was originally constructed as a culturoid, she's thrilled and decides to hold a concert. Andy breaks down while giving a demonstration, but Luna persuades 2B2B to give him an audition before clunkating him.

While the others work on their culture pack assignments, Andy tries to recall the words of Shakespeare. Gramps is actually playing with an illegal rubik's cube, and is upset when Brat completes it in a few seconds. Jazzmine gets tangled up in Luna's project, and the stress of 80H's repeated searches is making Andy worse. After a battle between Brat's castle and Gramp's ship outside a bottle, the others convince Brat to help fix Andy.

At the auditions, 2B2B, 80H, 40D watch a singing dimini lizard, a two-headed worm-like alien comedian (Chris Tookey and Micky Dolenz!), a big green blob singing "My Way", then finally Andy, who performs an excellent recitation of the prologue to Shakespeare's Henry V. Backstage, Gramps warns the others about the out-of-order curtain while Luna congratulates Brat on his repairs.

The chief galactic commissioner is in attendance for the actual concert, at the climax of which 2B2B proudly introduces Andy. The audience doesn't share her enthusiasm for Shakespeare, though, and Andy's performance goes to pieces. To save Andy from being clunked for ruining the show, Gramps joins him on stage and turns it in to a ventriloquist act with Andy as the dummy. 2B2B is not impressed, and tries to close the curtains - but this finally reveals the location of Gramps' stash of oldworld artifacts.

Guest Cast

2B2B - Barbara Rosenblat

First broadcast 5:15pm, Sat 5 Feb

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